“Japan can’t be saved by your humanism”
I have often wondered when confronted with a film like this, surely the director/producer/actors/someone/ anyone views the movie post editing & realises it’s one big celluloid piece of crap & not fit for public consumption! In fairness Battle Girl isn’t quite that bad, it’s no Stacy, but it ain’t got a lot going for it. Even for a film with very low ambitions its bordering godawful. The shame is with a bit of effort it could have been a real low-budget gem.
Ok down to business, Battle Girl’s plot is simple enough. A meteorite crashes into Tokyo Bay leaving a toxic cloud covering most of the low-lying areas of Tokyo. Contained in this mist is an alien virus which turns people into flesh-eating zombies. The Japanese army seems unwilling to take control of the situation (surprise, surprise they have their own agenda!) So it is left to Kieko (Battle Girl) the daughter of an army general to save the survivors from zombies & armed street gangs.
Battle Girl is a film by Kazuo Komizu, the infamous violent pinku director responsible for the frankly awful Entrails Of A Virgin & the very extreme (even for a pinku) Entrails Of A Beautiful Woman. With Battle Girl Komizu takes a break from copious nudity & sexual violence which have almost become his trademark & delivered an old-fashioned low budget zombie movie. Komizu’s movie takes most of its inspiration from George A Romero’s Dead movies. His zombies are of the slow shuffling variety & the battle bus the gang of kids drove pre-dated Land Of The Dead by a good few years. To his credit Komizu keeps the pace up throughout the movie & despite the budget attempts to throw in quite a few scenes of zombie mayhem & splatter. Sadly the film just doesn’t really work. The biggest flaw of all being the casting. Battle Girl is played by Cutey Suzuki (That’s her name, I shit you not) who is a female wrestler & no thespian. Yet strangely her acting is passable, the fight scenes are not. Despite her day job Miss Suzuki has all the grace & poise in battle of a pregnant wildebeest with a cattle prod rammed up its arse! The fight scenes are incredibly stilted & stiff, rendering them utterly laughable & inept. Near the beginning of the movie Battle Girl is given a special battle suit. Now i’m guessing this black battle outfit was meant to make our heroine look sleek, sexy & badass. Sadly it looks like the costume was made for an actress about a foot taller than Miss Suzuki! It’s a worse fit than a dead epileptic & makes Miss Suzuki look dreadful & almost clumsy fighting in it. Sadly it is these facts that condemn Battle Girl to being the disappointment it is. I could accept the cheap splatter effects & barely passable zombie make up, in fact they kind of add to the charm of the movie. But when your heroine looks stupid & fights like a wet fart in slow motion the movie loses all its charm.
Sad really, Battle Girl had a lot going for it. Shame is it just doesn’t deliver in the way Wild Zero & Sars War did. Battle Girl is not a total disaster (Stacy I’m looking at you!) but there are hundreds of better zombie flicks out there.