“It is you who’s fucked”
I want to start this review with three messages. The first to director Franck Richard, close but no cigar mate. You almost made my Hall Of Shame but you made the mistake of casting two good actors in your abysmal heap of crap. My second message is to The Pack’s lead actress Emilie Dequenne, don’t worry you are a young talented actress & we all make mistakes. I’m sure your career will recover & hopefully you will be a huge success. Thirdly & finally Phillipe Nahon. You are an obviously talented actor. You have proved that in movies like I Stand Alone, Carne & Haute Tension, so why do you keep making crap films like The Pack & The Ordeal? As for The Pack, well let’s not beat around the bush, it’s fucking appalling.
Charlotte is driving aimlessly through the French countryside when she picks up a hitchhiker named Max. The two stop at an isolated cafe run by a woman named La Spack. After a fight with a biker gang which is broken up by La Spack holding a shotgun, Max goes to the bathroom & disappears. Charlotte looks around for Max, even asking the local retired policeman Chinaski to help her find him. After dark Charlotte goes back to the cafe to look for Max but is attacked & knocked unconscious by La Spack & wakes to find herself tied up in a cage. Charlotte then finds out Max is actually La Spack’s son. The question then becomes what does La Spack want with Charlotte & why is she keeping her alive?
Ok that is enough of a plot synopsis, because if you think what I have already described sounds amateurish, the second half of the movie is way worse. I mean seriously if anyone out there has watched this & thought it was good I want whatever drugs you are taking because you must be on some serious class A shit! Even Troma & Asylum don’t make movies this bad. If you want to know where Steve Hewitt (ex Placebo drummer) went, he is making really crap French horror movies! (ok it’s not Steve Hewitt but the actor playing Max, Eric Godon is his spitting image) In that respect I hope Eric can play the drums because he really can’t act. Sadly he isn’t the worst actor in this mess. the three guys playing the biker gang re-define awful. Then again just about everything in this movie is awful. It doesn’t even know what type of movie it is. The beginning plays like a straightforward backwoods horror & turns 180 degrees halfway through to become just about the lamest zombie movie ever made. it makes Nights Of Terror look like Dawn Of the Dead. As I mentioned in my opening paragraph Emilie Dequenne & Philipe Nahon are good actors & they really try their hardest with their respective roles. Dequenne gives her all as the tough but likeable heroine & Nahon is his usual professional self as the ineptly comic Chinaski. Yolande Moreau puts in a decent performance as La Speck but that is as good as it gets. Awful plot, crap SFX, lousy zombies, no sense of tension, pacing & a muddled story with a truly awful clichéd ending. The Pack is a celluloid nightmare & an insult to anyone with two brain cells to rub together.
I can honestly say I have had more fun having kidney stones than watching The Pack. A steaming turd of a movie that fails on almost every level. How the hell do these movies get distributed? Avoid at all costs.